Where have I been?

It’s been a little while since my last (proper) blog post. My burnout got the better of me and I ended up needing some time to shut down and reboot. That’s the thing when you’re dealing with a chronic illness, sometimes you just keep pushing a little too much. I’m a self-confessed people-pleaser, but this time I took it too far. Lesson well and truly learnt!

After having a couple of months off, staring at the walls and really being unable to cope with even the smallest of tasks, I decided to start looking for a new job. After two failed attempts (which formed part of the burnout), I had to get it right this time. I wouldn’t necessarily say I was ready to go back at the time, but needs must and there was a role that seemed to tick a lot of boxes.  I’m still there nine months later so in the end, trusting my gut, despite it’s malfunctions, was the right thing to do.

I now work in a fully remote role.  Taking away the element of anxiety around leaving the house for work has been a game-changer. No, it’s not for everyone, but works really well for me. I have my own toilet, just for me, any time of day. I no longer have to worry about anything around my BAD during working hours apart from when having a zoom meeting, but even then, it’s less of anxiety inducing situation than an in-person meeting. I know that a lot more of my energy is going into my work rather than into my anxiety.

It’s not all rosy, it can get lonely, not just because of being home alone sometimes, but not having anyone around you to bounce ideas off of. However, the main issue is that not having to go out, means I’m less inclined to leave the house at all, and when I do, it can be more anxiety inducing than it used to be pre-remote working. So, this is another thing to work on; getting back out there in the big wide world! I can see how easy it might be for someone with chronic health problems to rarely leave the house, and I can see that if I don’t change my habits, it’s only going to get harder.  Plus, there’s still so much I want to do with my life! BAD, you have not won yet!